Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Six Months

Tonight in the midst of evening chaos I realized that it was exactly six months ago that Luke woke up from his nap restless, hot with fever and crying. These last six months have felt like a lifetime of lessons, a lot of refining, a lot of tears from a lot of different emotions--no, tears are so not just for sadness!
While Luke was in the hospital I bought a notebook that I wrote down lists, lots of lists: lists of questions for all different doctors: infectious disease, physical therapists, neurologists, audiologists, speech language pathologists and the list went on and on. Other lists were to-do lists, idea lists, budget lists, etc. Just yesterday I noticed that my notebook was full--time for a new notebook because we all know the lists go on and on!
I haven't been wonderful at keeping a journal through this process, but I reviewed back through this notebook as a refresher of the last six months and it was such a stark reminder of how far we've come. When we first left the hospital Luke was not even sitting up independently, now he is walking, running, climbing, just like before.
I wish I could adequately say in words what I have learned about life and the Lord's plan for all of us in the last six months. But, honestly I think that would fill a book--maybe someday--add that to the list!
There have been complete breakdowns and times of overflowing comfort and peace---typically in that order, the Lord has a perfect knowledge of what emotional pain level is bearable and then when the comfort needs to enter as a replacement.
Obviously the hospital stay was a constant up and down experience, the month after that we lived in seclusion to ensure that Luke was healthy enough for surgery, the surgery was a success in medical terms, but the days after the surgery were extremely difficult for me, among the most difficult as it was so painful for me to see Luke so swollen and uncomfortable. The days and weeks after his implants were activated were extremely trying on our patience after it was an hour to hour struggle to keep them on Luke--I should say minute to minute. Then we had about two months of what seemed like back to back illnesses--two ear infections, two bouts of stomach flu. In the midst of all of this our beautiful Ezra entered the world. Then as a sign of spring, our house sold and we bought a new house in Smithfield.
All of this in six months and the most amazing part is that we have felt the Lord's hand in every step of the way. Although this doesn't take the pain, the stress or impatience away, it brings a definite sense of peace at the end of the day.
So, six months ago I put a strong, healthy boy down for a nap and when he woke up his life and ours as a family changed forever. However, we are so incredibly blessed because he is strong and healthy again. He has occasionally issues with his balance (the PT thinks this will resolve in time)and his progress with his implants is slow, but sure. What he is hearing is still a bit of a mystery, but he has made significant progress in keeping his processors on throughout the day. Most importantly, he is happy!
The days are long, we are tired a lot, but Aaron and I are so blessed to have these five beautiful, amazing children as ours.