Saturday, April 30, 2011

Special Day

Our handsome Jack was baptized today---what a great day! We are so thankful for all the family that came and supported us on this special day. It was so fun to have grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins all around!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

New Chapter--YIKES!

I've decided that I need to blog more, not cute, lots of pictures blog, just blog enough to record what's going on because there's a lot going on!

Last night I got a phone call that I don't think I'm ready for, actually one that has felt like a cloud looming over me as the reality of having four boys sinks in.

"Hi, I'm calling to tell you all about the upcoming scout meetings" She went on to talk about shirts, patches, pins, whatever---I was in a daze thinking about how quickly my Jack has come to this point in his life!
After that I heard a whole slew of words that frankly scared me, "packs, dens, cubs, bears, wolves"---why do all the names sound like they are about to attack me?!

Then the topper, "There is a Scout Day Camp that Jack is invited to in the month of June." "Day Camp?" I ask---where? "At a scout site around Tremonton."

At this point in mind I'm thinking, "you are not driving my barely eight year old to Tremonton with who knows what supervision!" But wait, it gets better, she rattled off the agenda filled with BB guns, zip lines and the list goes on! Now I'm really having to take deep breaths.

So, I did I'm sure I will be kicking myself for in June. I graciously said, "I do have some concerns with transportation for that distance, so I will take Jack and go to the day camp."

Of course she was thrilled with the added help, but she will quickly realize that I am NOT an asset at a scouting event, I am a liability, a safety patrol liability!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


This post has been a long time coming and I'm really just writing it for myself more than anyone else.

Today I was sitting in the hallway at a building at Utah State University where Luke receives a lot of his therapy. This was a first---me sitting in the hallway waiting, while he was in the room just with the therapist. Talk about major cutting of the apron strings!

I was sitting there in a total daze staring at the carpet with thoughts of "how did we get here?", "are the appointments ever going to end?", "how can we better support Luke's needs?", "what will things be like in 2-3 years, 5 years, 20 years?" Questions, Questions, Questions! When out of no where a lady walked up and said, "Are you here for the interview?" Without even thinking, I laughed and said, "No, I already got the job, I'm the mom!"

At first I just laughed about it, but then with more time to think, the depth of that statement sunk in. Sometimes the most obvious of things are the most poignant if the timing is just right. I AM THE MOM! Luke is my child, Luke is amazing, strong, beautiful, precious, smart, a boy with a will of iron and the endurance of a champion & I got the job to be his mom. WOW!

In the last several months I have cried enough to fill buckets. I have cried and cried as the reality of the scope of Luke's challenges have unfolded. Why have I cried? Let me explain....

I have cried not because I am stressed over all the million appointments, calls to insurance companies, dr. offices, internet research on every ingredient, vitamin, mineral known to mankind (slight exaggeration, but only slight!). I have cried not because this whole situation has changed our family, each one of us, no because there have been so many blessings in that. I have come to realize all the amazing ways that our hearts have opened and lessons that we have learned that could never have come through any other way.

The reason I have cried is because while I understand and accept all that I need to learn from this and am totally willing to carry on, I have really struggled to understand and accept why Luke has to endure this. I don't want his life to be harder than it has to be.

So, I have cried to release all the sadness that life is hard, sometimes harder than we expected it to be, sometimes a lot harder than we expected it to be. At several points along the way I have had amazing moments of reassurances of Luke's strengths, the Lord's awareness and the ultimate power of the Atonement.

So, I don't have all the answers to the questions that were running through my head today (everyday!), I don't even have very many answers at all. When you have this many uncertainties, you are forced to look at the absolutes.

The absolutes are that:
1. Luke is making progress, albeit slow, he is making some progress in the areas of awareness, behavior and communicative intent.
2. He is meant to go through this for a purpose (that statement is extremely painful still for me to admit, although I know it's true.) I may never fully understand all the purposes of it in this lifetime.
3. Aaron and I love him so incredibly much that we will not leave any rock unturned to try to help him meet his potential in this life. We feel this way about each of our children.
4. I am here for Luke, through everything---EVERYTHING! I got the job, I'm his mom and I get it---I get him!
5. Our loving Heavenly Father is completely aware of Luke's struggles. He is guiding all of our efforts in Luke's behalf.

I would love to look back on this post and think, "that was hard, but everything turned out great!" I have a tremendous amount of hope for Luke's future, but the other absolute is that no matter how things turn out, words could not even scratch the surface to describe how much I will always, absolutely love that child.

Adam's Birthday

Adam is five! He was so excited that his birthday this year fell on easter egg hunt day (the day before easter sunday). He was singing all day, "Today is my birthday, I'm five years old--Adam is five!"
Adam is a spirited child that loves to have fun, talk and learn. He loves to play with others---always wanting Julia and Jack to play with him. He comes up with the funniest things. Before he goes to bed, he always says, "But, I need to watch my midnight movie". I have no idea where he got that one! Adam loves to have your undivided attention and loves to love! He finds joy in so many things. We love our Adam!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Eight is Great!

So, I apparently either need to take a photography class or buy a new camera because all my pictures from Jack's birthday are about 3 seconds off! He's either looking away, up or down, like the moment had just passed---3 seconds ago and I finally got around to pushing the darn button!

But, great pictures or not, Jack had a great birthday! He was excited to get out of school early that day and it was so fun to have Grammy & Papa here for him to have a little party with opening his presents. I haven't been so excited to give a present in a long time, but for Jack's birthday this year Aaron & I registered him for the BYU Fathers & Sons Basketball Camp. I don't know who is more excited, Jack or Aaron!
So, I typed up this little letter telling Jack all about it and it was so fun to watch him open it and read it. He's super excited!
Jack is an amazing child that literally brings a smile to my face everyday. He is very obedient and has a strong desire to be good and accomplish a lot in his life. A couple of weeks, we were just talking as a family and Jack asked me and Aaron, "What if you had made good choices your whole life and repented when you needed to and then you were really old and you made a mistake and you were saying your prayers to repent and right then you died, but you hadn't finished your prayer?" We explained to him that Heavenly Father knows your heart, but the whole story just represents Jack----he wants to make sure that he's all squared away! I love that boy so much!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


I have no pictures, but I am currently sitting upstairs listening to my three older children, Julia, Jack & Adam talk away, over an hour past their bedtime. It is one of my favorite things in the world to hear my children talk and laugh away!

It made me think of all the hilarious conversations they have had the last few days. I am horrible at recording things my kids say, which is sad because they are really funny. So, I am going to take this chance to record just a few gems from the last few days---these may or may not be funny to you, maybe you just had to be there, but at least I'll have them for my own memory.

Today in the car ride to piano lessons,
Jack: Why didn't you eat the BBQ sandwich at school today Julia?
Julia: I just didn't want to, it looked gross.
Jack: Well, in my opinion, it was delicious.

(Ok, this is only funny if you can imagine Jack's voice with how serious he was with "in my opinion"!

Next, another car conversation---a little background, we've worked with two realtors, one woman and one man.

Jack: Julia, who do you like better, Ron or Tracy?
Julia: I don't care, they're both fine.
Jack: I like Ron better.
Julia: Give me three reasons why you like Ron better.
Jack: 1. He's a boy. 2. He's nice. 3. Everytime he sees me he says hi.
Julia: First, it doesn't matter that he's a boy. Second, I'm going to teach you a lesson Jack, ALL REALTORS ARE NICE AND SAY HI TO YOU BECAUSE THEY WANT YOUR BUSINESS!

That Julia always has things figured out!

Saturday, April 2, 2011


Life has been so crazy lately! I still somehow make time to read other blogs, so I've been thinking lately that I need to record things that are happening, even if I don't have cute pictures to go with it. I really need to get with it with pictures!

I have all these little moments that I have to just laugh at, that I want to remember, that make me smile, or make me cry! Either way, I need to be better at recording them. So, here goes:

*Julia is growing up before our eyes, ok all the children are, but Julia in particular seems older and wiser as each day passes! She is beautiful and such a great sister to her brothers.
*Jack made me laugh this week when we were sitting in church and he pulled out a pile of basketball cards from his pocket right in the middle of sacrament meeting---I should've been mad, but it made me laugh.
*Adam was so excited to go to Kindergarten Registration, so he called it Kindergarten Celebration!
*Luke broke his leg on Sunday---He has will of iron to go through all that he does! He was on the tramp and got bounced and come down right on his leg, breaking his tibia bone. So, he's sporting a cast from thigh to toes for the next four weeks. Not fun, but he's being a trooper and finding ways to get around.
*Ezra is into everything and loves to say mama and dada, so cute!

These next pictures make me so happy! It has been a year and a half since Luke got sick and during that time he has really struggled to warm up to anyone except me and Aaron and sometimes Julia (major trust issues after being so tramautized, it's a long story!) Anyway, that has slowly been changing in the last couple of months as he is more interactive with the therapists he works with, his siblings, etc.

Well, tonight I walked into our bedroom to see Luke with Adam watching a movie & they were all snug, holding on to each other's hand! This may not seem like a big deal, but it was so darling to me! I've waited a year and a half to see Luke like this with one of his brothers---makes me so happy!