Pictures or Thoughts?

I have been horrible at blogging lately, I apologize. My dilema? I am not great about taking pictures and a big part of blogging is pictures. We did take lots of pictures on Christmas. I will have to download those by Valentine's Day---adjusted expectations, isn't it great?!

The truth is that I have been incredibly overwhelmed--even typing that doesn't seem sufficient in describing how I feel. So, here's the rundown:
*I go through a daily (most days, hourly) swing of emotions between so thankful and at in awe of how blessed I have been to the other extreme of feeling terribly picked on and not understanding how I can possibly deal with what is at hand. I am cry just thinking of this constant swing---sound crazy? Well, I actually believe in a little craziness, I think it teaches us to be sane!
*Another daily swing of feelings is the lovely good ole fashioned mom guilt. I feel like you know what when I strap Luke into his high chair to watch Blue's Clues or Curious George in silence. I feel like I am neglecting him by going to the bathroom or loading the dishwasher. This is of course after I have put his implants/hearing aids/processors (still haven't figured out what they are called!!) on 100 times and he has ripped them off again and again and again. To say this tests my patience is the biggest understatement of my life! So, I swing from guilt to self pep talks telling myself that all I can do is my best and my best is good enough and that Luke knows that he is loved, etc., etc.,
* I have heartburn, I ache and I feel huge, yet in the quiet of my heart I am so excited to see this new baby boy! I am so thankful that the Lord has allowed me to be unrealistic and almost ignorant about how hard it is going to be after the baby is born so that I can still hold on to my motherly excitement---I really do feel excited---thanks in part to a fleeting memory of how I really feel after a baby!
* There are toys everywhere in our house right now---everywhere: every room, every solid surface, behind every door. At least we finally got all the packaging throw away, including all those annoying twist ties that hold down every one of the hundred parts down.
* I haven't cooked a real meal since Thanksgiving, and that was even with a lot of help. So, I am putting a roast in the crock pot tonight to make myself feel better.

So, I will stop with the list, since I could go on and on!!!! In summary, Luke is an absolute miracle. He had his implants activated on Dec. 17th, but since then it has been a real struggle keeping them in place on his ears. He has made small progress, such as: when he takes them off he just hands them to me nicely instead of throwing them across the room. He is a doll, that is why so much of this is so hard. It's a constant judgment call of how hard to push him to wear them, like a contest between his immediate comfort and his long term success.
For every struggle I think and pray for an accommodation to make it better. And, thankfully I have thought of a few. I do have hope that things will get easier and at some point he will be aware of the association between wearing them and hearing.

Until then, I will be thankful for the moments like today when he just hugged me, put his head on my shoulder and both arms around me and hugged and didn't let go and did it again and again, smiling. He is such a sweet soul!

Well, I am off to bed, I don't normally stay up until 10:30, see I'm not the normal supermom blogger that stays up all hours of the night with all her projects, nope I usually go to bed by 8:30---I know gasp: a post with no pictures and mostly complaining and admitting that I go to bed without everything or maybe even anything on my list done!