One Week

Ezra is one week old and so darling! We have made it through that blur of time created by the first several days of a baby's life. I love that it is still amazing to look at a brand new baby. I love that he is ours and belongs to our family. He is so handsome with dark hair and blue eyes--I don't know if he'll keep either, but I love them both for now.

When I was about seven months pregnant with Jack, I had an interview with our Stake President in Salt Lake for a temple recommend. He knew that we had Julia and she was about a year and a half. He said, "I know what you're thinking--how can I possibly love another child the way I love this child." I was kind of embarrassed to say that that had crossed my mind. He replied, "Don't worry about that--your heart will grow in ways you can't imagine right now."

At the time, I thought--that's a nice sentiment, but he must not fully understand that I have the most beautiful and amazing daughter in the world! But, sure enough--he was sooo right!

My heart grew with my precious Jack, even after being so nervous about having a boy. My heart ached for another baby between Jack and Adam. And it grew so much with Adam, my little blondie baby. With Luke, I felt a calming love for him instantly. Luke has made my heart grow in ways I certainly could not have imagined, but in ways I am so eternally grateful for. And now with Ezra, the magic is not gone! I have had such an instant love for him.

My heart is full, but the amazing thing is despite the to-do lists, etc. of being a mom, I feel completely in control and empowered by my ability to love each of these children individually. I cannot imagine life without any one of them. So often, mothers don't feel enough--not organized enough, not productive enough, etc. All feelings I have had, but I complete reject any notion that I am not enough to provide the adequate amount of love to these children. I may have stressful days, but I feel at peace that my children know how much they are loved. This takes effort, but the amazing thing is that it's the most natural effort I have to make as a mom. It's not hard, like a lot of those other things on the to-do list!